


Sugar And Spice Are Poison Ingredients

by FenrirsTeeth



Series: Shisui Achieves World Peace [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Fuck you his name is Sabaku no Rasa, M/M, Medical Drugs, Pansexual Uchiha Shisui, Shisui Being Shisui, Shisui talks about being drugged for medical purposes in the second half of the fic, Weird Ninja Courting Habits, Weird Ninja Marriage Symbolism, accidental Marriage Proposal, the Uchiha Clan has a Reputation and a Type, they're like the call me maybe song but it's marry me maybe instead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 06:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17401637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FenrirsTeeth/pseuds/FenrirsTeeth
Summary: Shisui has a valid defense. He does.He doesn't. Kami damn it.





	Sugar And Spice Are Poison Ingredients

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pandasaurus_rex0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandasaurus_rex0/gifts).



> oh my god this is all rose's fault
> 
> <3

In Shisui’s defense, he’s high on a combination of blood loss, dehydration, and sleep dep when it happens.

They had chased a missing nin into the desert (terrible idea, absolutely not Shisui’s idea, either, at all, he is Smarter Than That, and that is absolutely the story he’s sticking too especially since the rest of his squad is dead and he needs something to think about that _isn’t that_ ) and in the end Shisui had been the only one left standing and had been helpfully rescued by a passing genin team and brought to Suna.

They bring him before the Kazekage, of course. The jounin sensei had patched him up on the way over but you can’t take any of the magical pills they have to fix various things when you’re the exact wrong combo of things, which is what kills good nin more than anything else, so he’s, you know. High and swaying and dizzy and should probably not be held responsible for his own actions especially since he’s more or less unsupervised (by another Konoha representative) with the fucking Kazekage. Who is pretty.

There is a sort of horrified silence around him now. He must have said at least part of that out loud.

“I said the pretty thing, right? Because that was supposed to be my mental voice, but, I really don’t think it was.”  
  
“You did,” the Kazekage agrees, looking at him in bemusement.

Well, if his subconscious thought it was that important it’s worth saying on purpose, right? “You are actually really pretty, I absolutely meant that.”

There is a choking gasp from behind him. Probably the jounin sensei. Luckily the kids are….not in here. Probably for the best.

“Pretty and powerful is like, the absolute best combination of traits. Why am I using the word absolute so much? Please don’t kill me for saying this I can’t possibly be held responsible for my actions also do you want to get married?”

Shisui rewinds that last bit twice, listing dangerously to the side. He barely manages to catch himself, because the jounin sensei sounds like they’re having a heart attack behind him.

“.....I did not actually mean to say that last part out loud, at all, I won’t blame you for holding that one against me.”

The Kazekage snorts in amusement, laying down his pen and folding his hands utop his desk.

“Or the fact that you turned your apology into a pickup line?” he counters, and Shisui wants to die. Maybe the jounin sensei should have left him to bleed out. That would probably be less painful than whatever is going to happen to him when he gets back to Konoha. _If_ he gets back to Konoha.

“....Also not intentional,” Shisui confirms. Kami preserve him why is he like this. And why is the Kazekage like this. He really is lucky he’s pretty because right now he’s being mean. Oh god please let that have been mental voice.

“It was mental voice,” the Kazekage agrees.

“Kami damn it.”

This is when he passes out, which is probably for the best.

* * *

He wakes up! This was a valid concern. Not that he’d have noticed if he hadn’t woken up - he’s never been very religious, about the only thing he does believe in is the Shinigami’s belly and he’s pretty certain that he didn’t deserve that. Reasonably certain. Hopefully.

He did just mostly solo take out an AA-ranked nin with bleeding to death and suffering desert sickness, and while he certainly countered some of that karma by _proposing to the Kazekage_ , he’s got to believe that it must still count toward his positive karma.

Please do not let him reincarnate as something terrible.

His thought tangent is all over the place. He looks down at his arms.

Yup, IV full of drugs. And. And.

“You’re awake!” comes a fluttery voice from somewhere out of his line of sight. He drags his eyes away from where they’re locked and over to the doorway where a chuunin who is hopefully a mednin is standing. She’s very pretty. She has pastel blue hair. Why is he focusing on weird things.

Drugs. Right.

She’s chattering as she checks his IV, and his mental discipline _is_ enough that he knows that she’s only trained in basic healing techniques, but his injuries mostly required flooding his body with chakra to kickstart an accelerated healing process, which she managed with helpful chakra donations. She is understandably proud, in Shisui’s opinion. He thanks her.

“Thank you.”

He is so very drugged.

She blushes a little before her gaze arrests on his hand and she snaps to attention, face paling a little.

“I’ll go tell the Kazekage you’re awake. He wanted to be informed right away.” She hurries off.

Shisui looks at his hand. There is a tiny character, written so small as if with a needle, on the top of the fourth finger on his left hand, right below the nail. The character ninja use in place of a wedding ring.

It’s not permanent right now. It’s written in sealing ink, and the Kazekage likely applied a little of his chakra to place it, but it can just wash off if Shisui doesn’t add his own.

The Kazekage appears in his line of vision as if he heard Shisui thinking about him. He raises an eyebrow at Shisui when he sees that Shisui was looking at his hand.

“You did propose,” he says, settling himself on Shisui’s bed, his weight barely pressed into Shisui’s legs. “You should probably call me Rasa.”  
  
“This is not the way I expected this to go,” Shisui says, flexing his left hand. “Death, maybe. You humoring me because I was clearly out of it. Sanctions? Not. This.”

“I’ve heard about the Uchiha,” Rasa says, which isn’t concerning _at all_ haha. “You run into someone you think is strong and pretty and immediately start planning the wedding.”  
  
This is…..accurate. There is a reason there is a literal clan law that the clan head has to marry someone else from the clan.

Shisui opens his mouth to try and explain, but Rasa continues, cutting him off before he can get out a word.

“I’ve met my fair share of Uchiha and none of them have ever proposed to me.” Their loss, Shisui thinks uncharitably. “Why would I turn down a proposal from a clan known for liking powerful and attractive people so much that their first instinct is to propose marriage?”

“Because we’re…..all crazy?” Shisui hazards. Why is he sabotaging himself. Rasa literally said yes. He inked the character while Shisui was unconscious, which Shisui feels like should probably be concerning but is mostly just charming. He is absolutely so into Rasa.

“I don’t know why I’m arguing with you,” he admits.

Rasa shrugs. “You should probably wait until you’re back on your feet before you make a decision, but my answer is yes. Since you fainted before I could answer you.”

Shisui gapes at him. “I did _not_! I was right, you _are_ mean, I don’t even know why people like you!”

“People don’t like me,” Rasa counters, raising an eyebrow. “People are terrified of me.”

Shisui considers him. He supposes some lesser beings are afraid of powerful people who have the capability of utterly destroy them if they put their minds to it. Luckily, Uchiha are higher beings.

“Whatever. No takebacks,” Shisui says, applying the barest amount of chakra to the symbol on his finger. By flexing his chakra network, just to show off. Also hands are very confusing right now.  
  
“What am I _on_?”

“Poison.”

**Author's Note:**

> the ninja marriage symbol is the kanji for heart under the kanji for mountain. "heart under mountain" is very romantic to ninja, ok, look i'll figure out how to explain it later on in the series but for right now just take this and don't ask questions because i don't know.
> 
> ETA: Hi :) While I completely understand (and appreciate!) speculating on possible funny things/plot points/etc in the comments, I don't appreciate people making those while ignoring my comments in response and going "Well, but what if you did it this way" to continue to pitch me their idea after I've made it clear it's not going to happen and don't consider those "jokes". I'm completely willing to turn on comment moderation for my fics if that's what it takes to stop this from happening. And don't worry - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I don't mean you. 
> 
> Come join us at the [Genjutsu Support Group](https://discord.gg/G4QcWjD), a Naruto themed writing discord, if you're interested :)


End file.
